• Emily Saunders

HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF AFTER HEARTBREAK

Heartbreak comes in many forms, but typically we equate it with the loss of a romantic partner. Research shows that this type of loss can cause physical pain and even inflammation. It can be one of the hardest challenges a person ever faces.


After a breakup, people sometimes become consumed with replacing the object of their desire with another. Far too often, romantic relationships are born out of desperate need or the fear of being alone instead of mutual respect, understanding, and kindness. Rushing into a new relationship is not necessarily the best strategy because you might need time to heal before you can make a better and more rational choice.


In life, I find it beneficial to look at my experiences, good and bad, as if they are lessons. I dive deep into the situation to extract what I can learn from it. In this way, I feel like I am turning a negative into a positive. This helps me accept a loss and move on. Acceptance is when you stop deceiving yourself or self-sabotaging yourself with delusions of a happy reunion or that your ex will magically change into the prince or princess you thought you kissed. It also means you accept your emotions around the loss, whether that involves anger, grief, hurt, rejection, loss of confidence, guilt, fear, or derivatives of all the above. Open up to these emotions. Let them wash over you with love for yourself and your resilience. Recognize that you have done your best, whatever that is. Recognize that there will come a tomorrow that is a brighter day, because, in truth, time does heal all wounds.


Another strategy to ease the pain of this type of loss is a distraction. Now you can use all that time you spent in the relationship to pursue things YOU need and YOU want to do. It is especially beneficial to take extra good care of yourself right after a loss. Eat that pint of ice cream if that makes you feel better, but don’t do that every day. Pamper yourself with treats like a massage, a special trip, a walk along a quiet beach. Include Meditation in your daily routine to maintain calm and clear thinking. Think of this as “me time”. Get back to loving yourself more than anyone else as the one and only unique you. Decide that when you are ready you will move on.


I have also found it helpful to volunteer, join a cause or, in some way, make a difference. These activities take you away from focusing on yourself because you are focusing on others. Plus, helping people and the world makes you feel good. I always gain more from volunteering than I give.


If, after a time, you continue to struggle with a loss to where it is negatively affecting your life, you should seek help. Sometimes these experiences bring up wounds like childhood abandonment or other traumas. Help can come in the form of talking it out with a true friend, a therapist, indulging in a healing hypnosis session, or contacting me at Best Life-ing.com I’m here to help.


In your not so distant future, you can look back on the loss with less of a sting, less bitterness, less sadness, and see the beauty it revealed to you, the lessons you learned, the ways you grew from it, and how it led you to the great place you are now. I promise.


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