Updated: Jan 26
SAY GOODBYE TO REPRESSED ANGER AND HELLO TO YOUR BEST LIFE
Let's talk about anger repression and how to release repressed anger. First, I’ll discuss what is repressed anger, then ways to release anger.
Repressed anger is a negative emotion that hides in our subconscious minds, but surfaces in emotions such as depression, poor self-image, and unhealthy behaviors.
Repressed ager generally stems from having an experience that causes you to feel negative emotion when you don't do the work to let it go. Much of my personal repressed anger developed after my father died. I was full of hate and anger and directed it at my mother, who was heartbroken after his death. Actions I deeply regret.
The thing about repressed anger is that if we hold onto to it, it spreads into other areas of our life, not just the one we experienced it in. And we tend to use the one particular moment to avoid taking risks, chasing dreams, and opening our hearts to others. This closes doors for opportunity. I also projected these emotions out onto the world, punishing only myself as I embraced the victim mentality.
With the help of a therapist, I learned what was at the root of my anger and how to release it. I didn’t realize I was furious at my father for leaving me, in fact I thought it wasn't his fault, and this made it impossible to get to the root of the problem.
She instructed me to write out the reasons I was angry at my father. I reluctantly complied, and once I got my first emotion down, the rest came flooding out. I even ended up with a four-page list! My next step was to visit my father’s grave and read the list, then burn the papers. This exercise left me with a great sense of relief and helped me let go of my anger. The last step was to stand at my father’s burial place with another person. This took a lot of courage for me, as I could barely visit his grave alone at that point, let alone with someone else.
I had to forgive my father for leaving me and my family, and even though him getting Dementia and dying wasn't his fault, addressing my emotion around it and my subconscious anger is what freed me from my conscious anger too. It liberated me from self-pity and the victim mentality that protected me with the excuse that 'life is unfair', and in turn, it allowed me to take control of my life!
Anger is normal and nothing to be ashamed of, it is one of the emotions that makes us feel alive. But holding onto it and reliving experiences that made (or continue to make) you angry, is pointless as it only hurts you. Your goal is to move past anger repression, and I will gladly help you, as letting go was freedom, and liberated me.
You can practice the exercise I described above for releasing anger directed at any person or even a circumstance. It is also beneficial to find a spiritual connection and learn to free your mind. Meditation or taking time for silence helps you attain that. Many people are afraid to look inward because of the emotions they may face, but meditation has been proven to reduce stress and anxiety, to help fight addictions, and enhance health and well-being. I suggest that you sit quietly every day for at least ten minutes. Be patient with yourself. Meditation is a learned skill.
Here are some great practical ways I use to release anger:
1. Writing it down in my phone notes
2. Getting an outsiders opinion on the situation. Be sure to describe without exaggeration or victim mentality. Try to be objective.
3. Take 10 minutes of silence. No devices, fresh air and stillness is important here.
4. Address the issue from a place of love when you've calmed down. Figure out what outcome you actually want and focus on that, rather than the issue at hand. I most cases, harmony is more important than the subject. Accept the person for who they are or don't. It is not your job.
5. Give back. Doing something for others can truly fuel your soul, humble you and bring you into the present. I'm a big believer in helping people in need, to me there is nothing more rewarding. Check out this banger event we are putting on this Sunday to help single mothers and children who are homeless this Christmas because of domestic violence: HERE
Join our movement!
6. Gratitude helps you realize all of the wonderful things you already have to be grateful for.
7. Journaling can release tension, help you learn and understand a situation, and then it's a great feeling to read back over it ad look back to see how you've come.
8. Exercise, play a sport or try something new like yoga, group meditation, or other team activities.
9. Go on a friends hunt. Get out there and do something different with the goal of making new friends. Who knows who you could meet!
10. Get out of your comfort zone. Nothing forces you into the present moment like being uncomfortable. Go cross a fear off your list, my most recent was rollercoasters: instant anger fix!
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I hope to meet you soon! Kind wishes on your journey!