ANGRY OUTBURSTS AND HEALTHY COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES

I was raised in an extended family where everyone yelled at each other over issues large and small, which had become an intergenerational pattern. To me, it felt normal to express anger, frustration, and other emotions by yelling at the perceived perpetrator. 

When I was 19, I worked in my college cafeteria. One day, when my co-workers were not helping me, I lashed out. Then came an epiphany. My employer explained that yelling at them was not okay. At first, I was defensive. Of course, they were in the wrong and deserved whatever I dished out. 

Before that, I had no idea that yelling at people was generally regarded as inappropriate in most situations. But my employer's advice made a profound impact on me. For the first time, I considered that there were other, better communication strategies.

As I later learned, yelling can also be highly disturbing and damaging. Loud, aggressive voices activate the fear centers in the victim’s brain, elevate stress hormones, and impact cognitive function. 

Studies have shown that living in that kind of environment often causes depression, anxiety, lack of self-esteem and confidence, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It erodes relationships by dispelling trust and causing the victim to feel unsafe. The yelled message is seldom heard because the victim enters fight-or-flight mode, rendering them incapable of understanding what is said. Instead of solving an issue, the conflict often escalates and can lead to physical violence and emotional abuse. 

In children, frequent yelling impacts brain development, lowers self-esteem, increases stress, depression, behavioral issues, and anxiety, which can eventually cause health issues and PTSD. It can make children more aggressive, less able to manage their emotions, and lead to difficulty trusting others.  

This type of dialogue is typically driven by emotion rather than reason and logic, and it rarely leads to meaningful change. It teaches the victim that the issue can’t be resolved. Sometimes, angry outbursts include gaslighting, where the victim's thoughts and beliefs are deemed irrelevant or untrue. Often, the abuser shifts the blame to the victim, believing that yelling is required to help them change. It is for their own good, after all. 

Yelling can be a symptom of a chronic mental disorder, such as narcissistic rage, borderline personality rage, or intermittent explosive disorder, where the response is extreme for the situation. 

HOW TO DEVELOP HEALTHY COMMUNICATION SKILLS 

You can develop healthy, proactive communication skills. Study people who exhibit good communication skills. Practice remaining calm and delivering your message clearly and respectfully when conversations escalate. And, don’t forget to pause and think about what you are going to say before you speak.

Communication is a two-way street. For discussions to be truly effective, it is essential to hone your active listening skills. Instead of closing yourself off to what someone has to say, or merely ignoring their words while you think of what you want to say, really hear them. Determine their point of view, and watch their body language. Practice empathy, imagining how they likely feel. Step into their shoes before you respond. 

After angry outbursts, apologies go a long way in repairing a relationship. Ruminate over what you said and put it on steroids, as an amplified version was likely heard. Acknowledge that you over-reacted. Discuss the issue later when everyone has calmed down.

WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE YELLS AT YOU 

When someone yells at you, they may feel powerless in a situation and want to steal your power. They might think the louder they are, the more likely they will be heard. But the opposite happens. The victim shuts down, trying to preserve their sanity and self-esteem, and they may become defensive and lash out in response. 

If someone yells at you, ask them to calm down. If they won’t, then leave the situation. Yelling matches often become emotionally abusive and sometimes lead to physical abuse. Don’t stick around to find out where the conversation goes. You can simply say, “Let’s discuss this when we have calmed down,” then walk away. 

Yelling is an aggressive attack. The bottom line is that you deserve to be treated with respect. You don’t owe anyone your space if they create fear in you, stress you out, belittle, or gaslight you. Don’t give away your power by thinking you did something to deserve the anger and rage. Be kind to yourself. 

People sometimes yell when a situation becomes too stressful. It happens. But if this is a recurring pattern, it's time for you to move on. By moving on, you show the person that yelling is not an appropriate response. Sometimes the best way to help a person is not to enable their damaging behavior. 

WHAT TO DO IF YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOUR ANGRY OUTBURSTS

Hypnosis can help you identify underlying causes of angry outbursts that may be locked in your subconscious mind. Bringing them to your conscious awareness can help you manage anger. Meditation is another tool that enables you to remain more grounded, even in the most stressful situations. Additionally, a holistic wellness retreat is an excellent way to address and resolve these issues.

Visit the Best Life-ing website to explore the wide range of wellness practices they offer. Check out the retreats to see if one resonates with you. Contact Best Life-ing today to determine what services would be most beneficial for you.