THE PARADOX OF LOVE

Rhonda Armbrust  

Love is a paradox since it reflects contradictory truths. Opening up to it can make you feel vulnerable, yet it can also be an exceptional experience. Relationships involve a balancing act between giving and receiving, selflessness and selfishness. Love can be exhilarating, while sometimes agonizing. The emotion of love is felt in the heart, yet also involves brain chemicals and biological systems.

According to psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, in his book The Art of Loving, love is an art to be developed through practice, and he believes self-love is essential to loving another. Fromm states that the dysfunction around love stems from the fact that most people focus on being loved rather than being loving. In terms of romantic love, he describes the Western viewpoint as centered on popularity and sex appeal. 

Fromm outlines the four tenets of love as care, responsibility (the desire to respond to another’s needs), respect, and knowledge (understanding another at a deeper level). True love enhances liberty and independence, allowing someone to grow as they choose. 

Authentic love is often seen as unconditional, meaning you love the person even when you disagree with their actions. Unconditional love is often present in the parent-child relationship. In romantic relationships, it can mean a bond that balances freedom, independence, and commitment. 

Romantic love typically unfolds through biological stages. The initial lust phase is driven by testosterone and estrogen. The feeling of being in love is spurred by dopamine. Later, hormones like oxycontin ignite the deep bonding experience. 

Love is something you give and receive, but often people don’t know how to express it or receive it. If you don’t think you have received enough love, you can change your perspective. You can choose to believe that you were created by love, and that you are love, and that everyone is. You can believe that love is the foundation of existence and is all around you. You can believe that even though someone’s love seems flawed, it was likely there nonetheless. You can understand that many people don’t know how to show or express love, and forgive them for that. You can recognize times you did not show love and forgive yourself. 

The highest form of love arises from overcoming separateness and developing at-onement, a feeling of love and oneness with all that is. Once you embrace love as the driving force of creation, you let go of fear and judgment, recognizing that love is the goal, and people falter for many reasons you are unaware of.

You create your life and determine your perspective. It is up to you to create a life of love, the driving force of growth, and the highest form of abundance. You are magnificent, and if you see yourself as you truly are, you allow love into your life. Love your past for bringing you to where you are now, and love the future that you envision. Focus on all the beautiful ways Earth and its inhabitants are learning and expanding. Choose to be part of all that goodness, based in love. 

To help open your heart to love, take a few deep breaths, place your palms on your heart, and focus on what you love and are grateful for. It is also helpful to set an intention at the beginning of the day to be love in all you do. 

If you feel stuck in the area of love, contact Best Life-ing to help you learn how to amplify love in your life. The caring, holistic practitioners will guide you on this vital quest.